Time was key. It took me a very long time until I began a physical school year in Centennial High School. Centennial, ah the things I could say but I’ll stick to one true and lovingly honest word——mediocre.
The prep girls wore their UGGs as if those things were really that attractive to begin with, comfortable sure, but cute? It was like being a female lumberjack which is putting it kindly, I’m a feminist. Which is ironic because I’m Christian and I believe in God and the Bible and to be truthful the Bible is the most sexist piece of popular literature to ever exist. Now back to my strong dislike of how UGGs look. I like them when they are just plain colored brown or whatever their plain color is but put sparkles on those and you might as well give me permission to shit on your welcome mat cause ew, gross!
There were other shoe wearing people in the school of different gender who shouldn’t have been wearing said shoes which were TOMS. I’m not being sexist, but if you’re an emo-scene looking guy get some Converse or Vans and do the world a favor. Better yet if you really want to wear TOMS don’t wear the unisex one unless you plan on converting to Hipsteranity.
Now not everyone wore ridiculously mainstream shoes. Some wore Vans, some Converse and so on and so forth but then every Wednesday and Thursday hundreds of kids who were accepted into POJ’s School of not very witchcrafty or wizardry wore shined dress shoes for NJROTC. I would try not to say anything bad but a lot of kids got it into their little brains that being part of this program meant you were privileged. Let’s be honest they couldn’t get pussy outside the program. I don’t need pussy of course. I was in ROTC.
It was the biggest mistake I have ever had the pleasure of taking part in. See the program wasn’t what was corrupt it was the kids in it, the ones on teams who looked down on people like me, the bottom feeders who only did what was needed because I wanted a fresh start a new light in my life to guide me and there’s nothing wrong with ROTC it’s perfectly fine if——and if is the key word here—— you really plan on going into the Navy when you’re older. If not it was just an excuse to feel cool when really you weren’t even at the cusp of coolness 1980s hasbins were and they’re hasbins.
ROTC gave me morals though, morals I wouldn’t realize I had until the following year when I left due to conflict of interests. It gave me faith in something stronger than I was and for me that was God. This isn’t going to turn into one of those stories so don’t even fret but I will tell you this God is love and you know what’s true about both those things if you believe in either or both? Love is not always physical it is emotion, it is something you cannot see with your eyes it is only something you feel with your heart and you know in your mind is there whether you can see it or feel it or not. So it with people who believe in God. Now no more of that, moving on.
This story would totally be about me if I had not met Simone or Josh. Now I met Simone my first day of school and furthering into the year we became very close. She told me she considered me a best friend because she didn’t often open up to people except her childhood best friend Tarah. Simone was what I thought to be the epitome of beauty physically and not physically. She was half black and half white. She had light skin, pale brown hair and these beautiful blue orbs for eyes. She was kind and sweet and I think it was my fault that she turned into this judgmental attention hog, then again not be sexist but factually speaking a lot of girls like her are that way to begin with. Imagine having a mother who has been remarried three times and having half siblings along with step siblings to have to compete with. She was a marvelous dancer and pushed herself in her art but once she hitched onto her boyfriend Alex she just went down hill. Her humbleness became cockyness. I hate cocky. I used to be cocky so I know what cocky is and I know what cocky does. I cut off our friendship shortly before my 18th birthday.
Now Josh’s story is a bit longer. He never met his biological parents nor did his older brother Matt. Though they didn’t come from the same biological parents but they both shared the realest parents ever. I wonder if Josh sees his parents like I do, they’re these honest folks who aren’t really shy about how they act when other people are around and I suppose that takes a lot of heart because they must’ve had a lot of heart for taking in two boys who society would mark as delinquents rather than their true selves. I can’t speak for Matt because I’ve only heard about him from Josh and through the letters Matt wrote and this one instance over the phone. Both of them share the trait of the anti-hero, not to be confused with the antagonist.
The anti-hero is the hero within all of us. They aren’t bad nor good but they’re the main character of their story. Most main characters, or antagonists have little to no flaws but anti-heroes are rather more realistic unless of course you’re Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenneger, Paul Walker or Vin Diesel.
Their flaw was from birth, abandoned giving them abandonment issues and turning to something they could always count on even if it was toxic. Drugs, drinking, violence and money. Mind you, they love their parents they really do its just sometimes they see their parents as just caregivers who will not ever understand them because they weren’t raised like them. They weren’t abandoned but no matter what they will be loved.
Josh became my best friend and then my boyfriend but between those to instances we disliked each other for the obvious similarities in our mindset. I like to believe young intellects have their clashes and when mixed it was like in that one Eminem song, “maybe that’s what happens when a volcano meets a tornado.” Of course you have to look at the meaning behind this as obvious as it is. Volcanoes take time to erupt and even when it does erupt it sometimes takes a while to spread but when it spreads it spreads with it destruction and in this destruction it lazily scoops up lives upon lives. It lasts longer because it flows slowly. I, in this instance am the volcano. Josh in this instance is a tornado, it goes off unexpectedly and fast. Bursts of speed like God’s angry breath being breathed. But when these two disasters meet they cause Armageddon.
I turned to doing drugs for a while because that’s what Josh did. I turned away from the friends I had because Josh didn’t like them and to be honest I never liked them either they were a seemingly permanent lie that I let surround me so I could believe that I was someone other than myself but in my intoxicated mind fogged up by the exhaled substance that Mary Jane provided with her orange and purple coats I didn’t realize that I wasn’t being who I was either, I was trying to be like Josh because I thought I was like him and I really was not.
After the third time we broke up that was it for me. I was swallowing Promethazine like a pornstar swallowing jizz for money. I was smoking weed and blowing through fifty dollar sacks a week, that’s not a lot but with the cough syrup chasing the high I should be dead or in a coma but nope I woke up one day in Corona, California in my cousin’s room on the floor waiting for some miracle to happen while I boosted myself out of the window onto the roof of her garage and sat down as I watched the sunrise.
I unlocked my phone and to my surprise that summer I had a flashback (a painful one because of the emotional hang over I was under) and I recalled these three guys, Alex, Tristan and Justin. Alex was Simone’s boyfriend who I had met before her; Tristan was this hilarious baby-faced guy who acted like this one character from GTA 5 named Trevor. Then there was Justin who was a mystery to me because I wasn’t as close to him as I was with Alex or Tristan. Though I did confide in him a lot and even when I wasn’t confiding in him I would tell him what I wanted in my future and in exchange in our conversations he’d tell me what he wanted. He lost both his parents, his dad three or four years ago and his mom even earlier than that. His story was tragic and compared to mine (which I haven’t even really told you about) I had been in nirvana this whole time but for Justin his best view of heaven had always been where he was until he got a car and turned 18 which was his own personal hell.
Justin had commented on my Instagram and told me that we needed to hang out and I told him we should and it took about another week before I actually saw him and when I did the pickle I had been in for a long time seemed to have paused for a the whole day we were hanging out. He liked—— he loves video games and in my own way I loved them too. When I was about five or six I had gotten my first gaming console, the Sega Dreamcast. Nothing has ever compared to it because nothing brings back the good old days like that old Dreamcast. His enthusiasm made me look deeper into my life and I began to think “well hey, I like video games and I like writing stories what if I made a story line for a video game?” It didn’t take me long into the day to realize I liked Justin more than just a friend but I kept screaming into my head that, “No you will not go out with a guy who has almost the same name as you—— think Justine——Justin and Justine? Oh please you can’t marry——marry? You can’t date him! That’d be such a joke!” Now here I am dating Justin Kyle Patterson.
Usually people say that they’re in a pickle but for a long time I was this walking talking pickle who was in a Justine—— okay, yes I know that sounds like some sexual pun—- get your minds out of the gutter! I mean to say without sounding like some radical hippy that I was never in a pickle, I was always myself. I had been living with the same situation in life and always changing the scenery and I meet this guy named Josh whose also a pickle and we’re pickles together in an old dirty pickle jar that’s been moved around but never opened. Until one day this guy named Justin take the pickle jar cause he’s stupid and doesn’t know what else to do during loading screens on games and he take one of the pickles out and eats them—- this pickle is me. Now I know this is all silly and what not but that’s what this whole story called my life is. A big back of silly.
Nevertheless, none of this was a coincidence. Josh’s brother Matt once said in a letter that, “meaningful things aren’t coincidental.” He was completely right because it wasn’t coincidence that any of this shit happened in my life or their lives. My life is so closely woven into the lives of these other people but for the longest time there has always been this one straight string leading me to this other person and God only knows but I believe it’s always been Justin.
I’ve never been more content in my life.